I woke up this morning with my mind on freedom. That song, an old Negro spiritual (I believe) literally was in my head one of the first moments as I was just waking up. I imagined myself leading this song at a Ron Paul rally. Thousands of people who support Ron Paul are clapping and singing. The harmonies are amazing. The musicians and other singers on stage are totally in sync and stoked. We can feel the freedom. We can feel the possibilities of what could happen—if Ron Paul is elected AND if we can work together to help Ron Paul do things such as bring our troops home from Iraq.
But now I cry. In fact, I am weeping. The tears are rolling down. I need to blow my nose. Excuse me. Okay, I’m back. I cry because of the lack of freedom I am afraid I am about to have.
You see, I am thinking that I need to focus all my attention on getting paying work. And then when I get the work (if I do), then I probably need to work at doing something that is unrelated to supporting Ron Paul for president, and the wonderful freedom movement that is rising up.
I also won’t have much time to promote the first Community Gathering which I am hosting this Friday, Oct. 5. I believe with all of my heart that if Ron Paul supporters and other lovers of freedom could just see the possibilities of Community Gatherings being held in every neighborhood—maybe even every block—that the power of the people could be unleashed. I can see it, taste it, feel it, touch it, hear it. It seems so real to me. I have seen and heard about what happens when people can come together in a spirit of cooperation—in an environment that encourages personal empowerment. Miracles happen. Neighborhoods are transformed. People do things they never thought they could.
And then I cry. The sobs are deep. The tears flow. How can I describe the pain that comes from feeling so helpless? I have been able to live without working at jobs I don’t like for almost a year now because of the generous inheritance that my dear mom left me. During that time, I got to spend more time with my children than ever before—that has been such a blessing. My dream was that if I could just have more time to focus on creating a right livelihood helping neighborhoods become thriving, self-reliant communities, then I would never have to go back to cleaning or organizing or gardening. I was just so sure that I could do it.
But now I need to pay a lot of bills. I just can’t put them off any longer. I say to myself, like a parent to a child, “You have to be responsible—you can’t keep working on what you’re a passionate about. You have to do the right thing”
And I wonder, “What is the right thing.”
The sobs are subsiding. I feel a little more peaceful. Perhaps it is time to pray. Perhaps it is time to imagine what I want, rather than what I don’t want. I will do so in my next blog.
1 comment:
I summoned up the courage to talk to a person I owe money to, and she said that she could wait--that she supported me in doing this important work! And I did put out the word that I am looking for work in community organizing as well as clutter-busting organizing. I helped a friend organize her house today in trade for some essential items I needed. I encouraged her and her partner to spread the word about how good I am--and she requested that I put something on some yahoo groups that she is moderating. So I did make some progress--and I look forward to seeing what happens--and letting you know!
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